I write this so that I can remember that there are good days in life as well. We tend to remember the bad days forever and forget those good days we had if its not extremely good. Like the good day has to work extra hard to be remembered years after. While the bad days don't require much effort. Some time during the day yesterday the good memories of my past comes out. Although there are some bitterness in those, i.e. not feeling confident which leads to some unexplainable saddness and want for recognition during holiday with cousins etc. But I see it in a different light, my inconfidence, I see that in spite of not having confidence I manage to have a lot of good times with my cousins, I manage to make friends who still keeps in touch with me. I realise that my life is not as bad and as sad as I thought. I was happy. I was not always sad. I did feel confident also at some point of time i.e. in Malaysia.
Back to the point.
So, yesterday I had a good day. Here is how it goes:
I didn't have breakfast or other food to bring except some mangoes.
My grab driver takes time to reach but the car and service was good, despite some directions I have to give (I generally don't like to give directions coz I can't sleep or do other things = me driving).
I reach work and saw the beautiful morning sun and thought if I should put my stuff then come down to sunbath or go up later.
I went up go around, find that there is no food for sale in the canteen. Dissapointed and went down to sunbath for 7 minutes only because I am afraid of timing as usual. Went back up, check the canteen again, saw that there is no food yet. Went to the office and try looking around what food can I buy from outside, no one is there to sell food yet. Finally accepted my fate and decide to wait for lunch.
Forgot my email password and spend 15 minutes just trying to think of it. Found it, and decide to go to the toilet. Came back and surprisee!! Food is there in the canteen, still a bunch. I grab some and went to eat and start working. Had a good morning conversation with Berry, let my heart out about my fears and what not, she is amazing and doesn't make me feel like shit at all.
Work went amazing, finished the translation and the analysis for the day. Conversations with Berry, Neksi and Agung was interesting. It lead to more work for me however. Hopefully I can do this increasingly difficult task given to me.Googled catering for the last half hour of work. Amazing catering services are available but at ridiculous prices, which actually maybe not so ridiculous after all for a truly healthy food and people with sickness. Amazing service for people who are ill though, may they do well.
Towards end of day at 5:27 pm ordered grab, didn't get any. Ordered uber for a slightly higher price, but ends up being much cheaper because apparently they have 20.000 IDR discount. Felt amazing.
In my head I am still worried about food and how to enter the apartment. Whole family is in bekasi and would be back late. No food and no one to drop me from pasar baru and no card to enter apartment. Resented them for this and then try to force myself to think positive about them. Felt guilty about ordering food from the shop but then I try to make myself think that it is really OK because they should be providing me with food anyway its not a crime. So I ordered and get tensed all the way whether the food will be done by time I pass the pasar baru area or not. Called 3 times. Before the last call I manage to convince myself that its ok if the food is not done yet we can always go jek it (who knows I can have such postitive thoughts) I was glad that that I can have that thought which means I am improving to be positive although I am still tensed body wise.
Ending up nothing to worry about, driver didn't complain about the stop made and I got the food alright.
Reached apartment, asked security to scan card for me, all went alright.
Went up took shower, eat food, chant, try to chill. Chilling didn't work, try to mediatate, didn't work. Went to translate, confused as hell but decided to continue anyway. Convinced myself that Krishna will give me the ability to translate because I am doing the work for Him.
Kind of happy with the work I did and decided to take rest for a while. Try mediating while resting, fell asleep till morning. Didn't end up having my calcium or night time meds, but so far so good till now. I should really remember to have them tomorrow.
Received news in my sleep that there are food to bring to work tommorow.
Slept happily.
Dream about weird things but that don't bother me anymore. Its just a dream, its ANNICA.
Back to the point.
So, yesterday I had a good day. Here is how it goes:
I didn't have breakfast or other food to bring except some mangoes.
My grab driver takes time to reach but the car and service was good, despite some directions I have to give (I generally don't like to give directions coz I can't sleep or do other things = me driving).
I reach work and saw the beautiful morning sun and thought if I should put my stuff then come down to sunbath or go up later.
I went up go around, find that there is no food for sale in the canteen. Dissapointed and went down to sunbath for 7 minutes only because I am afraid of timing as usual. Went back up, check the canteen again, saw that there is no food yet. Went to the office and try looking around what food can I buy from outside, no one is there to sell food yet. Finally accepted my fate and decide to wait for lunch.
Forgot my email password and spend 15 minutes just trying to think of it. Found it, and decide to go to the toilet. Came back and surprisee!! Food is there in the canteen, still a bunch. I grab some and went to eat and start working. Had a good morning conversation with Berry, let my heart out about my fears and what not, she is amazing and doesn't make me feel like shit at all.
Work went amazing, finished the translation and the analysis for the day. Conversations with Berry, Neksi and Agung was interesting. It lead to more work for me however. Hopefully I can do this increasingly difficult task given to me.Googled catering for the last half hour of work. Amazing catering services are available but at ridiculous prices, which actually maybe not so ridiculous after all for a truly healthy food and people with sickness. Amazing service for people who are ill though, may they do well.
Towards end of day at 5:27 pm ordered grab, didn't get any. Ordered uber for a slightly higher price, but ends up being much cheaper because apparently they have 20.000 IDR discount. Felt amazing.
In my head I am still worried about food and how to enter the apartment. Whole family is in bekasi and would be back late. No food and no one to drop me from pasar baru and no card to enter apartment. Resented them for this and then try to force myself to think positive about them. Felt guilty about ordering food from the shop but then I try to make myself think that it is really OK because they should be providing me with food anyway its not a crime. So I ordered and get tensed all the way whether the food will be done by time I pass the pasar baru area or not. Called 3 times. Before the last call I manage to convince myself that its ok if the food is not done yet we can always go jek it (who knows I can have such postitive thoughts) I was glad that that I can have that thought which means I am improving to be positive although I am still tensed body wise.
Ending up nothing to worry about, driver didn't complain about the stop made and I got the food alright.
Reached apartment, asked security to scan card for me, all went alright.
Went up took shower, eat food, chant, try to chill. Chilling didn't work, try to mediatate, didn't work. Went to translate, confused as hell but decided to continue anyway. Convinced myself that Krishna will give me the ability to translate because I am doing the work for Him.
Kind of happy with the work I did and decided to take rest for a while. Try mediating while resting, fell asleep till morning. Didn't end up having my calcium or night time meds, but so far so good till now. I should really remember to have them tomorrow.
Received news in my sleep that there are food to bring to work tommorow.
Slept happily.
Dream about weird things but that don't bother me anymore. Its just a dream, its ANNICA.
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