QUITTERS AREN'T ALWAYS LOSERS!

I have quit my job.  Finally! Here is my story.....

I thought to resigned back in June . At that time I was extremely fed up with work and I really was emotional about it to the point of insanity. However I did the stupid thing of accepting a counter offer and saying Yes I will continue' for more salary and a promise not be shifted to other location' .It turned out that I was in anxiety all through my holiday in Bali-Gili-Lombok. When I came back for work it was still chilled since its near Eid Holiday. Once the Eid Holiday is over though the pressure is back ON! and I felt like a fool. The changes are not gonna be anywhere near immediate. My bos still gives me work while he play games. I still can't do anything in the office. The thing I can do was to spend my money on a weekend gateway without much thought. I was getting into the shopping theraphy mode, which I never did before. More money to spend to lessen out the stress, why not?

What I didn't know was how tricky these people are. They give me a higher position, set my target higher than before  and  they said they will still shift me next year (which means they are breaking their promise) WITHOUT TELLING ME! At that point I felt lied to. All this while I thought they really appreciated me and truly cares, I thought I was smart and had win them over. Truth is they are more experienced in coning people and I was total fool for believing in them. I felt bad. But worse than being lied to, I dislike the pressure and the things I have to do for people who I have no respect for anymore. Everything seems heavier to do. When you have no respect for the flag you are carrying, how do you persuade people to come to your country? I was still trying to do my job with sincerity but I was complaining a lot! I was trying to accept that working life sucks and that's how it is for everyone, so I should stop being a crybaby and just do it!But I don't have an ear that will listen to me more than once. So I was pressured or encouraged (depending on the way you see it) to quit.

When asked why I applied for resignation just two months after accepting the counter offer (end of August), I just said I have no sincerity to do my work anymore, why would you want such an employee? I can't serve customers that way. The truth is maybe that I just can't take the pressure of having to sell a product I don't believe in. With no mentor and maybe nothing more to learn. Why not shift to different department? they said. I thought about it, but it will take time, it won't be intimidate. I want out immediately, I just can't stand another second.

I do realize however, how important I feel to be to go to person for everyone. I realize the comfort of my office colleagues, and I know that maybe I wont get a better working environment in terms of chilled out happy people who can always cheer you up when you are stressed. But they are happy and can make people happy because they have to live with the job and make themselves happy with it, they may not or have not found another choice. I might not be able to suck it in and force myself to love it because I still have a choice which I am very aware of. I will miss them so much, I do realize that they will forget me soon however. It just happens. I am having my 'firsts'. First time of leaving a job with great office mates (in terms of having fun more than to work with).

Doubts keeps on coming back towards the end of the month (when I my resignation will be effective). Even then my boss was giving me work, I wish I could have done it nicely but despite my best effort to care, I just don't. At the same time I start to get excited when there is a customer, since I won't be doing this for long anymore. I was put in a really big test at the 2nd last day when I did my exit interview. As with all exit interview, they try to convince you that you've made a wrong decision, although its not sure if they will take you back since the resignation has already been processed. When asked for reason, I just threw my answers all over the place. The interviewers just laughed at me saying I will find the same thing everywhere, at least over here the salary and the benefits are good. I said I am aware of all that, I may experience much worse job than this, but I want to see it on my own. While I said that, I have doubts still in me.

Then I had an ice cream to calm down and try to reassure of myself that its the right decision (to resign now than at the end of the year, to resign now before getting another job, to resign now just because I was challenged, to resign now because I was weak). And I (like always) just thought of what I should have actually said. In my heart I keep repeating, you never know if God has different plan for me. Because all you have seen are miserable working people. I have seen people who love their job, I have seen business man who can't ever imagine working under other people, I have seen travelers who barely care about a job. I am at the point where I can screw security and I can go on adventure. And I will while I still can! Quitters may never win in a race. But in a rat race, Quitters always wins!

All doubts to resign from the company vanish however, when I figured the credit card I returned to be closed (as required by the company), has been hacked into (most probably by the person in charge of accepting the card) which happen that very evening (but that is  a whole other story which I have no energy to repeat).   All resentment towards my immediate manager, however, has vanished when he helped me out with everything I needed to get the names of the heads of the HRD department for the purpose of solving my credit card case, despite me failing him by resigning. I can't even enjoy my last day with the thought of  having been fooled by the HRD person (whom I can't prove gulity yet and might not be able to since she surely is smart enough not to use her name in the online transactions).


So here I am,  officially jobless!!

My first second of being jobless was not as liberating as I thought. Maybe if I would have resigned in June I will have that feeling. But this time I guess I was trying so hard to love the job after I accepted the counter offer that I actually felt a little sad. More on dealing with feelings after resignation is effective is in the next post.